Monday, December 19, 2011

Now I know why no one talks about it

Well, the past week has been a big rollercoaster, I see now why people just don't talk about all of this infertility stuff.  I mean I really wanted to be open and honest, but when you are on the low end of emotions you really don't want to talk to anyone, at least I didn't...much less have to broadcast bad news, but here it goes.

So on Tuesday they were able to retrieve 14 eggs and they set them overnight to fertilize, we found out later that they actually put 50,000 sperm with each egg when in the human body the ratio is more like 1,000:1!  But despite those more than "ideal" conditions we found out Wednesday morning that none of our eggs had fertilized...NONE!  I never ever expected to hear that, we are not going through this process because we have any actual issue with fertility, just the physical act of the egg getting where it needs to be.  As I've said many times, all three times I was pregnant it was on the first try - we shouldn't have an issue here and I never thought we would in a million years.  But, we did.  In fact they discarded 1 egg that was immature and the doctor later told us that when they went in to look Wednesday morning not a single sperm had attached to any of the 13 eggs.  Not one!  He said usually there are hundreds all over all of the eggs and we had zero.

The Doctor said the sperm looked great, were fantastic quality and the eggs were all really strong too.  He had no idea why this happened and said it is very rare even for people with fertility problems that none attach at all.

Well that was pretty devastating, I had always been extremely positive and never had worries everything would go well on our first try.  I was more worried about it going TOO well and ending up octomom or something (OK, maybe not that worried).

The nurse told us they were going to go ahead with a procedure called "Second Day ICSI" where they will pick out the best looking sperm and actually inject them right into the eggs to kind of 'force' fertilization.  Usually when ICSI is done, the couple is expecting to have an issue and it is done right away, waiting until the second day to do it seems pretty rare from what I've seen online and unfortunately pretty unsuccessful as well.  Of course the doctor says that it doesn't decrease the odds at all, but I have a hard time believing him.

So I just had a day of feeling sorry for myself and Jer did his best to put a positive spin on it, but I also was feeling increasingly bad from the Ovarian Hyperstimulation and I kind of just gave up.  I was honestly expecting them to call the next day and say that it didn't work.

Well they did call the next day, but they had better news.  Of the 10 eggs they did the procedure on, 3 of them had developed into embryos.  Because there were only 3 they wanted to implant them right away instead of waiting to see how many make it to the blastocyst (5-day) stage.  They set our implant up for the next morning.

As I'm sure you have noticed, the numbers were not on our side, we went from 14 eggs, to 13, to 10, to 3 and by the time we got to the surgical center Friday morning there were 2 good embryos left to put in.  So we put them both in!  I had to drink 32 oz of water on the way over, which was hard even for me (I love water) so they let me pee and then I had to lay on the hospital bed for 30 minutes before we could leave.

After we got home I was on bed rest for 2 days so my Mother-in-law was there for Friday to watch Anna and Jer was Mr. Mom all weekend while I rested and hopefully created a good environment for the little babies to snuggle in and start growing.

We are now playing the waiting game once again, we won't know anything for 4 weeks.  I have a blood test in 2 weeks that should be a good indication of if things are still developing or not and then at 4 weeks they will know with more certainty if the pregnancy is successful. 

I have to say that I am not getting my hopes up.  I mean I am still treating myself as if I am pregnant right now, but I am preparing myself for bad news.  Everything I have seen online does not look great when they have to do second day or "rescue" ICSI, so good news will be really good, and hopefully bad news won't be quite so devastating.

I am still doing 2 shots a day, one that Jer has to administer right into my butt that hurts so bad every time.  That is the Progesterone in Oil and that will last for at least a few weeks.  The other is Lovenox, which stings, but I do it in my stomach, and I took it twice a day everyday when I was pregnant with Anna so I am used to it.

I will probably check back in with news at the 2 week blood draw, but if we happen to get good news at the 4 week mark I will probably procrastinate a bit on posting ;)  Sorry but I am just very superstitious.  So no news is good news and keep those prayers coming.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Time to Make the Babies

We got up early this morning after not getting much sleep (at least on my end) because I was pretty anxious about the procedure and being put under anesthesia and we traveled 45 minutes to a surgery center in Rochester Hills.

Once there there was a lot of waiting, at least that is how it seemed and finally we were brought back into the surgery prep area.  I was hooked up to an IV and talked with the anesthesiologist and my doctor.  My doctor reiterated that it was most likely too risky to move forward with the implementation this month but he would wait to see how things looked and make that final call tomorrow.

I gave Jer a kiss and went into the procedure room, I guess technically it is an OR.  I sat on the bed, laid back and next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room.  I woke up very sleepy of course, but I came out of it quite well. They gave me juice and crackers and Vicodin and I was all set!  At this point I already felt a lot better, the thing that was giving me the most anxiety was being put out.  I heard somewhere once that every time you are put out there is a chance you won't come back to.  Who knows if that is true or not, probably not, but it still isn't something to be taken lightly.

A nurse came in and said everything went great and they were able to get 14 eggs.  So those eggs will be fertilized and they are going to call me tomorrow to let me know how many of the 14 are moving to the next stage.  They are also going to let me know if the transfer is going to happen this week or next month. If the transfer does have to wait, it will not involve all the injections and hormones that I have been through thus far so they keep telling me the "hard part" is over.  Now it is a different kind of hard...waiting.  We are waiting for all the check points to clear and then we are waiting to see if I get pregnant and then we are waiting to see if the pregnancy sticks.

Thanks so much for the prayers and support, I feel good about where we have gotten to thus far and I know we will be adding to our family shortly!!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Trigger Shot

Bright and early this morning (yes, Sunday) I ran down to the IVF doctor for a check in.  Jeremy was in Frankenmuth with Anna visiting his parents so I was by myself.  The doctor performed an ultrasound to look at my follicles on my ovaries that I have been taking medications to stimulate and they looked great, there were tons of follicles that the doctor said were in great condition, he said that he would have no problems at all getting plenty of quality eggs.

He told me to stop taking the stimulation hormones and we were going to move in to Egg Retrieval mode.  I was told to take my "trigger shot" that starts the egg production that night.  The retrieval process is scheduled for Tuesday morning!

The egg retrieval procedure is the more intense of the 2 that I will go through, I will actually be put under anesthesia but the process itself is relatively short and easy.  The doctor will go in and grab all the follicles that look good and hopefully have good eggs growing inside of them then they will be fertilized and the ones that make it past that stage will be allowed to start developing and if everything goes according to plan, next Sunday they will be put back inside of me.

Well, it turns out that "if" is a bigger one than we planned on.  As I said in last post the stimulating hormones were actually working TOO good. So now I am at risk for something called "Ovarian Hyper-stimulation" and because getting pregnant actually will stimulate my ovaries even more there is a chance that actually doing the implantation in the same monthly cycle as taking the drugs will be too much.

The doctor is going to have to make that call on Tuesday and if he decides it is too risky they will freeze the embryos until next month and I will only have to do the easy part of the procedure then.

Obviously I want to do what is in the best interest of my health, but I really hope that we don't have to put anything off for a variety of reasons not the least of which is that my insurance resets in the new year.  But we just have to wait and see how it goes and pray for the best outcome.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Check Two: Going good....too good!

We had the second ultrasound to look at my ovaries on Wednesday and they looked great, they looked totally different than the week before, there were lots of obvious follicles growing all over both of them.

It was great to see, the doctor said they looked fantastic and in fact they might be growing a little TOO well, so he has lowered my Follistm dose.

So things are going great.  I have a third ultrasound on Sunday and they will set a date for the upcoming week to do the egg retrieval then and about 5 days after that I will have baby on board! (!!!) So that is really close.

I have been feeling pretty good overall, my abdomen is really full feeling and sore, I can actually feel my ovaries which is pretty weird.  They do hurt, but it is manageable. I am still doing 2 shots a day and it is going fine, I have been good about getting them in on time.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow morning!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Bucket List

So we are about a week in with the daily (twice daily) shots and all is going well.  We have another ultrasound this afternoon to see if the shots are working and the follicles are growing.  Assuming they are I could realistically be pregnant in less than 2 weeks. (!)

Which brings me to my bucket list, I have a short list of things that I want to do before I am pregnant.  Some of them are practical and others are just things that I remember missing last time I was pregnant or know I will miss for the next 10 months or longer.

Some things I need to take care are getting my hair colored, cleaning my oven, going to the dentist, going to the dermatologist.  And other things that I want to get in as much as I can before they are off limits like the Italian sandwich at Potbelly LOL, I love it and they can't guarantee their meat gets cooked to a temperature safe to eat while pregnant so I'll avoid it, and coffee which will actually be absent from my life for quite a long time because I remember one or two times that I had coffee while breast feeding Anna and it made a really noticeable difference in her behavior so closer to 2 years before I will get another Iced Venti Non-Fat Extra Carmel Carmel Macchiato or large McD's 3 cream 3 Splenda.....yum.

And there are little things that don't seem like a big deal until you can't have them, like a glass of wine with dinner or a medium cooked steak or burger (I won't eat anything that isn't well done while pregs).  So I am checking them off and getting ready to make some changes!  All for the better though :)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Check One

Well, we had our first check point today at the doctor office and it was passed without any concern!  All of my follicles appeared to be similar in size and all very small which is exactly what we wanted.

So now I will be taking 2 shots a day, and they are both shots that I will be able to administer to myself which I am used to - or at least I was and I'm sure it will all come back to me :) Neither of them look too scary, it is just a process.  My evening shot requires mixing powder with liquid and switching needles on the syringe, I will feel like a nurse for the next 10 days LOL  Maybe I'll take a picture, but I have a feeling no one really wants to see me poking myself with a needle.

The biggest challenge for me will be that I have to take the shots at specific times everyday - I am very forgetful about that kind of stuff and now that I don't have a job that requires it, I don't always have my phone on me so setting an alarm on there won't work.  Although, I am getting a new phone tomorrow...Jer got me an iPhone for an early Christmas gift, and I will probably being playing with that a lot getting used to it.  I have also set several alarm clocks in our house and I have Jer to help me out with remembering.

Another big milestone reached today - I am (finally) officially approved by our insurance for infertility coverage.  There was quite a long process I have been going through for several months to prove to Aetna that I indeed need assistance conceiving.  I guess they finally have enough evidence and I also got confirmation that the coverage does "re-set" on January 1st, so if the procedure does not work, we will not have to wait very long to try again.  And I guess it is 'good' that due to the ectopic in February and the resulting surgery our deductible is already met for this year so our out of pocket is really the lowest it could be (which is not saying much!!).

So next step is another check in with the doctor in a week.  This time we will be looking to see if the follicles are all growing together and at the rate that the doctor wants.  Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers, you have no idea how much it helps.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Box full of needles...

...that is what just arrived at my front door!  All (OK most) of my medications for the remainder of the procedure have come.  They are almost all injectable.  This should be loads of fun.

Here they all are:














 And that doesn't even include the progesterone which has a short shelf life and I will order in a few weeks, or the shots I'll have to take twice a day throughout the entire pregnancy (and for 6 weeks after) 

But, this does also mean we are about to hit the next check point in the process.  We have an appointment tomorrow with the Dr to have an ultrasound that will see if the Lupron did it's job and all of my follicles are at the same starting point.  If not, I will need to have an additional Lupron injection and we will try again, not sure if this will put the procedure into 2012 or not, but I am not worried about that yet.  Let's just hope that we are moving along as scheduled!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

First shot down

Things are officially in motion!  I had my Lupron injection on Monday afternoon, I did end up running down to the Dr office just to make sure everything was done correctly.  The shot itself was not really painful at all and so far no major side effects, just some headaches which are easily taken care of.

Next step is an ultrasound on November 30th to see if the Lupron was effective and we can continue moving forward.

2 things I am thinking about right now: a) I have recently realized a major flaw in this blog....I am actually very superstitious when it comes to pregnancy.  Just because of all of my medical history and the PCOS in particular I am at an increased risk of miscarriage and I was very strict about not sharing the news with anyone until after the 12 week mark so not sure how I will approach that on this page.  More to come I guess.

and b) Just thought I would share the lovely needle that was just stuck into my butt so you all can have a reference point :)  Here it is



Sunday, November 13, 2011

5...4...3...2...

Well the big day is here, rather the first of several upcoming big days.  Tomorrow I finally take my first shot.  The medicine I will have injected tomorrow is called Lupron Depot.  It is actually a medication developed for Endometriosis that doctors found will help with IVF as well.

The Lupron will basically shut my reproductive cycle down.  Right now, because of the PCOS, I have follicles of all different sizes on my ovaries.  The Lupron will shut down the hormone that develops the follicles making them all go back to the start in a way so that they can all be grown at the same time and in a controlled manner by the doctor.  This way, there is a great chance of having more eggs develop to the size needed to make a embryo and hopefully when I have my egg retrieval process (in about a month!! yikes!!) there will be at least 10 - 15 decent quality eggs for the Doctor to remove and fertilize.

The needle (this is that $800 shot, luckily only ended up being $50 after insurance) is about 3 inches long and has to be injected into my muscle.  I am still on the fence about having Jeremy do this or going to have the nurse do it.  Not that I don't trust Jeremy, when I started Lovenox after the first ectopic he did all of my injections for quite awhile until I had to learn to do them myself because I traveled for work.  But I can't give myself an Intra Muscular shot because it is best to do it in your back side and hard to reach on your own.

Anyway, I do trust Jer, but A) that needle sure is looong, B) The medication is a powder that needs to be mixed and they explained it to us, but that was more than a month ago when we thought the shot would take place at the beginning of October and C) did I mention it is an $800 shot? I don't want to screw it up...and if this doesn't happen right on this day then we will be all off track again and we really won't be able to fit a procedure in before the end of 2011.  (update from my last post: we are able to get a try in before the end of the year!! I was so happy about that!  Should happen the week of December 11 so well before holiday vacations) There will be plenty of additional shots in my near future that Jeremy will have the joy of administering.  I just don't really feel like driving all the way to Ypsilanti (about 30 minutes) for a shot but since it is a one time medication I probably will.

So as of tomorrow, the wheels are in motion, the process has officially begun!  I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers, keep them coming :)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Too much too fast?

We had a second meeting with our IVF doctor to go over some blood work that I had done and we needed to have our educational session with the nurses as well to go over the entire process in detail.  This took place in the first week of October on a Wednesday.

The doctor said that everything was as expected with my bloodwork and the only major red flag was that I am very insulin resistant, but I knew that already - that is a very common trait of patients with PCOS.  He put me on Metformin, a diabetes drug, to help counteract that and that will help increase my uterine lining.

Then we had our appointment with the nurses and went over lots of information and forms and at the end of it, they gave me my calendar, on it was laid out the timing for all of the medications I will need to take and when, if everything goes according to plan, my procedure will happen.

The first shot that I was to take to kick off the process was scheduled for that Monday - 5 days away.  Now this seemed kind of fast to me, but what was there to wait for?  Well, I had planned to go up north that weekend, but I would be back Monday night, in time for Jeremy to give me the shot.  The nurse said that the pharmacy would contact me to set up delivery.

I didn't hear anything Thursday and didn't even think about it, and we headed up north Friday morning.  By the time we got to the cottage I realized I still had not heard from the pharmacy and that Monday was actually a holiday so I was starting to get concerned about even having a shot to take.  I called my doctors office who then called the pharmacy (again) who then finally called me.

The mail order pharmacy that my doctor office had recommended we use went over the order for the entire process-long medications.  They said I needed to be pre approved by insurance and that hadn't happened yet, as of that moment the approximate cost for the drugs was just under $5000.  yikes.  I knew it would be expensive, but yikes.

So I said, right now I really only need this one shot, nothing else needs to be taken for a few weeks, I will have time to figure things out with insurance, how much is just the one shot?  Answer, $800.  wow.  So I said I would call them back, and I called my doctor to see if they knew of some way to get it covered by insurance.  They then tried to call my local Meijer pharmacy, the Meijer pharmacist called to let me know that drug is not covered by insurance at retail pharmacies.  ugh.

At this point, it was Sunday so nothing could be done.  Monday we were heading home and I was pre-occupied with that and not really able to make calls, all my paperwork was at home.  So Tuesday came and I had missed the calendar date.  Now I figured the entire calendar would just adjust based on when I took that first shot - an assumption I quickly learned to never make again in this process.  I talked with Jeremy that night and told him it looked like the first shot would be $800.  I had talked again with the mail order pharmacy, they said my pre-approval had come through for the drugs and all the rest of the medication was down to under $300 co-pay, but that initial shot of Depot Lupron was not covered and would be full price.

Obviously there really isn't too much to discuss, it is what it is and Jeremy said go ahead and order it.  I wanted to just double check before I did so Wednesday morning I called the insurance company, who turned me to the pharmacy insurance and it turns out, our pharmacy insurance is a mail order pharmacy itself (insurance is so confusing to me) and I quickly found out, if I order through them, the shot is covered and could be as low as a $60 co-pay.  Big difference from $800!  So I had the doctor call in the shot there and just as I was hanging up with the nurse I said "so how does this affect my calendar?"  Well, I'm glad I brought it up because the answer is pretty dramatically!

It turns out every step of this process is very carefully timed and the Lupron shot needs to be taken on the 18th day of my cycle and Monday was already the 19th day so the fact that it was Wednesday and it would still be a day or two or more before I got the shot meant it was far too late and we would have to wait until my cycle started over.

This was pretty disappointing to me, but in a strange way it made me feel a little better.  I plan to address this in another post shortly, but I had been feeling pretty uncomfortable with the whole IVF process and I felt like we were totally taking God out of the conception process - I took these delays as kind of a sign from God that he really is always in control, something that would be reinforced in the near future as well.  There were just too many things that didn't go the right way, this was never meant to work out for this month.

My big concern now was timing, would we still be able to fit in a try at the procedure before the end of the year?  I assume that the doctor is not preforming procedures during the holidays and who knows how much time he actually takes off in the month of December, that could really affect things and we are getting into December now.  But, it will work out as it is meant to be, while we really want to have the procedure before the end of the year in case it doesn't work the first time - our insurance benefits will re-set in 2012 and we will have a new pool of money to help off set procedure costs. If that doesn't end up happening, well, we will just deal with it.  I'm not sure we could really afford to try it twice in 2012 without any insurance coverage on the second try.  Hopefully we won't even need a second try and what's done is done, now we just wait for the cycle to start again.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Meet the doctor

So we had our long awaited first meeting with the IVF specialist and it exceeded my expectations very much, and we went into with expecting it to be great.  The office, while quite a drive for us in Ypsilanti, was nice and we were the only ones there (at least it sure seemed that way if we weren't) and when we arrived, they were expecting us and presented us with a packet of information that included a hand written and detailed list of all the financial questions that they knew would come up - they had already called my insurance company and gotten the answers as to how much (or little) coverage we could count on.

I have had more than my fair share of medical ailments over my life and have seen a wide variety of doctors, I have never had a doctor proactively go after my insurance company, then again I have never faced such an expensive procedure.  Actually, I take that back, giving birth was quite a bit more expensive, and while my OB/GYN office helped with my insurance it was nothing like this.  Anyway, the point is, I took it as a good sign.  And honestly it turned out to be good news - our insurance should cover more than we thought they would (which was really nothing) and the initial cost looks like it will not be as high as I was thinking.

And outside of all that, we did like the doctor, he immediately made me feel comfortable with his knowledge of PCOS and all it's side effects - he just reinforced that basically IVF is our only option now and that is actually a big part of the process we can skip, the trying to figure out what the problem is, and the trying less invasive methods before resulting in IVF - we can just go straight to the end.

So everything is good with the doctor and we feel comfortable with the practice.  We got some basic information and the next step is a more intense info session with a nurse sometime in the next month.  Forward progress....

Friday, August 19, 2011

Timing is everything

So we had an appointment with the IVF doctor all set up for last week, my mother-in-law drove down 90 minutes to watch Anna when we went and right before we were ready to walk out the door, his office called and said he had an emergency and they had to cancel our appointment. 

I guess I understand everyone has emergencies, even doctors, but that was a little frusterating.  In the mean time I had been catching up on 'Giuliana & Bill' which is a show on the Style Network about Bull & Giuliana Rancic who have had quite a fertility struggle themselves and have been very public about it which has really inspired me to start this blog.  Anyway, they recently have been trying more holistic cures and it has me thinking about giving it a shot. 

I don't really know if there is a possibility of anything helping, I mean I saw the X-ray with my own eyes, I saw that the dye just stopped where it should have flowed freely.  But what if there was a chance that something like acupuncture could open up that scar tissue?  It would certainly be much less invasive and expensive than IVF, but if it doesn't work it just delays the inevitable even longer.  And then is my right tube even capable of transferring an egg, does my right ovary even produce eggs? 

I have a instinctive feeling that all 3 of my pregnancies have come from the left side.  I know for sure that the 2 ectopic were, and although I can't prove it, I feel like Anna came from the left side as well.  So was my right tube just disconnected all this time?  Or does the right side just not function? Well, I'm not sure anyone knows.  I plan to ask the IVF doctor and I feel like we need to have this initial meeting and then we will see what direction makes the most sense.  So, now I have a new date to get all anxious about and hopefully after next week we will have a lot more answers.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Starting to come together

So there finally has been some movement on our impending fertility treatments.  I found out that my mom's best friend's daughter used the same doctor as one of my good girlfriends and they both just rave about him.  And the friend's daughter is a nurse who did a lot of research beforehand.  Both women got pregnant (with twins!) after seeing him.  I also just found out that he is in our insurance network. 

So I plan to make an appointment with him shortly.  I just discussed this with Jeremy, I think it is the first time the subject has really come up since we found out IVF would be a part of our lives, so I am glad to have that dialogue going again too.  I think we both were just a little overwhelmed with the unknown for the past few months, particularly the unknown amount of money these treatments will require because we do kinda know it will be a lot.  But, you don't know anything until you ask so the appointment will be the first step. 

I also have decided to fill out some of my fertility story with some more in depth blog posts.  I just recently have a very strong urge to tell my story, I don't know what will come of it, if anything - but at the very least I want to have all of the details recorded somewhere before I forget anything more :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Our (fertility) story ... so far

I always knew in the back of my mind that I would need help getting pregnant.  When I was 21 I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which, at the time, was a pretty rare condition.  It is something getting more and more awareness by patients and doctors so more and more women are at least being told what is wrong with them, there really isn't too much that can be done at this point, but just knowing there is a reason for all of the horrible side effects that come along with this condition is a start.

My first indication that I had anything abnormal was a single black hair that started growing on my chin when I was in college.  I started tweezing it, which was easy enough but slowly the hairs multiplied.  And then my period would occasionally skip a month...or two...when I missed six I knew it was time to talk to the doctor.  I had several doctors tell me that they just didn't know.  A dermatologist told me that the hair growth was because I was just "unlucky".

Eventually I did find a gynecologist who immediately recognized the symptoms and gave me a diagnosis that explained the hair growth, missed periods and weight gain I had recently been experiencing.  Other side effects of PCOS including hair loss and infertility would remain to be seen if they develop.

My cycles were put back on schedule with birth control pills and I started taking metformin, a diabetes drug, for the weight gain and to help with staying regular.  Turns out PCOS patients also have insulin resistance issues (which also is a factor in the weight gain).  Things were OK for a long time.  At some point I switched to the birth control ring that is left in all month versus the pills that are taken everyday as I had an issue remembering them.

In January 2007 Jeremy and I took a weekend trip to Niagara Falls.  It was a stressful drive as you can imagine, through Canada in the winter and the day after we got home, I started feeling like I had a horrible chest cold, but nothing else was wrong.  Very long story short, I ended up in the hospital with 2 Pulmonary Embolism...AKA blood clots in my lungs, yes plural, one on each side.  I could have easily died if it wasn't caught, which is a whole other story.  But it did get blamed on being on the hormones from my birth control combined with long car rides and I was told I could never be on birth control again because the active ingredient is a hormone that could now kill me.

So I, of course, go to the worst possible scenario...if I can't be on birth control, I can't have a regular cycle, if I can't have a regular cycle, there is little chance I could get pregnant, assuming I am not already infertile from the PCOS.....however, I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on that because I was getting married in 5 months!

After a great first year of marriage (and a surprisingly regular cycle without the drugs) we started talking about babies.  I figured that it would be a struggle for us because the odds were stacked against us to begin with, little did I know what was coming.

We started trying, rather we stopped preventing it in April 2008 while traveling in Australia.  After we got home I found a reproductive endocrinologist, or fertility specialist in my insurance plan and made an appointment.  Usually doctors say to try for at least 6 months to a year before getting concerned, but again, I just knew that we would need assistance so I figured I would skip the middleman.  The day of our first meeting with the doctor in late June 2008 I started getting bad cramps and I figured my period was coming.  Over the next week the pain in my lower abdomen grew more and more intense, it felt like there was a giant gas bubble in my lower left section, but nothing helped it.  There were times I could barely walk, but I figured it was my period coming because there was some blood.  At a follow up ultrasound appointment with the fertility doctor a week later I mentioned it and she took some blood to test for pregnancy just in case.  A few hours later I got the call that I was indeed pregnant but the pain and her doing an ultrasound that day and not seeing an embryo meant that it must be a tubal or ectopic pregnancy and I had to get to the hospital for emergency surgery to remove it. Also, this meant I had gotten pregnant in May 2008.

I had heard of an ectopic pregnancy and I kind of knew what it meant but I thought it was one of those weird things that hardly ever actually happens (although with my track record, I don't know why I was surprised at all).  So my husband took my to the hospital where the doctor brought me into surgery and a few hours later I was home to recover.  She tried to just go in through my belly button but wasn't able to remove the mass (that is what they called the pregnancy) so I did have another bikini line incision.  It was a tough recovery, a lot of rest and a lot of pain.  I was just so grateful that I had only found out I was pregnant that day, at the same time I found out that it would be removed.  I never had a chance to get excited or attached to the idea, so it wasn't as big of a loss as it could have been.  Also, the doctor was able to remove the 'mass' and repair that tube it was in so my chances of getting pregnant in the future were not diminished at all.  She said had the tube been damaged beyond repair, my chances would only decrease by a few percent anyway.  I guess the body adjusts.

We were instructed to take the next month off of trying for recovery and we decided to get right back at it in August.  In September 2008 I became pregnant again, only this time I was monitoring it very closely and I knew immediately and was able to work with the doctors, the fertility doctor and my hematologist (who put me on blood thinner shots right away because pregnancy actually thickens your blood and the chances of clots). and nine (or so!) months later we had a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

We decided 2 years was a good space and in November 2010 we started not preventing pregnancy again, I figured I would start keeping track of ovulation and everything in the new year, which I did.  I have never really trusted the ovulation predictor kits because of my skewed hormone levels from the PCOS I can never count on them 100% to be accurate, and on top of that I had what seemed to be a relativley normal period in mid-January.....however on February 18, 2011 I was woken up at 6:30 am by an intense pain in my lower left abdomen.

I knew right away exactly what it was, or at least what I had a horrible feeling it was.  I tried to go back to sleep but the pain was so intense, I finally got back up and knew what I had to do....the lines on the pregnancy test showed up almost immediately and my worst fears were confirmed.

So somehow I got Anna to my parents and got myself to my doctors and, very long story short again, I ended up in emergency surgery for 6 hours and 5 days in the hospital after that.  But I still had hope, I knew that my left tube where this pregnancy had been (again) was not able to be saved this time, but emergency repairs were made to my right tube, which was found mid-surgery to be disconnected for unknown reasons, in hopes I would still be able to conceive naturally.

3 months of recovery later I had a test done to see if that right tube was indeed repaired and it was not.  I could not believe it.  I had always had a positive attitude about the entire situation because I figured it would all work out OK, it had to...why wouldn't it?  Haven't I been through enough already?  Well, I guess not....and that brings us to today and our impending meeting with a fertility specialist.  Have not decided which one yet - I feel kind of an alliance to the doctor we started this whole journey with, but my current gynecologist is recommending the one who did the most recent emergency surgery on me and is connected to the hospital I would hopefully give birth in.  Either way it is going to be very expensive so I am avoiding the whole thing, but it is time to get moving.  More to come

Saturday, July 16, 2011

The beginning

About 2 months ago, we found out that the only way we can have another baby is to undergo in vetro fertilization.  I never ever thought we would be here.  I still am trying to get a handle on everything...so far I have been dealing with it the way I deal with any thing unpleasant and just ignored it for the most part, but we are going to have to talk to the doctors and get the information so we know what the next steps are.  I thought I would chronicle the journey online because fertility problems are still a taboo subject that no one is comfortable talking about, but they happen to SO many people - you just never know it because no one says anything!

So feel free to follow along out of curiosity, as a supporter or even as someone who has to go through this process and wants another perspective.